In our history you can see that being poly was abundant.

Kings had many wives & this was considered normal.

In our more recent history we come to religious Christians where it was also one man and many women called sister wives.  The women were not bi and although the women helped give input in the household, the man made all the final decisions.

In fact, this was the very reason I never had an interest in poly before because I could never put up with this male dominated structure of poly.

There are still many poly relationships that still exist like this today and although their intent appears to be loving, I find this to be a very controlling environment despite the fact that everyone claims they consent to be there.

Then there are the Mormons & other sects you have always heard of who aren't what I call true polys.

They are polygamists.

I also find this a controlling environment I can't stand & this kind of poly gives true polyamory a bad name.

The men are doing this for reasons I can't even understand since most take females from the age of 12, marry them and give them no freedom at all.


Back around May 31, 2001 I was browsing for spirituality sites when I discovered Deborah Anapol's site.

[If you decide to purchase her book, please consider helping out my site by purchasing it through my book page. Thank you]

While reading, Deborah totally blew me away with her form of spiritual poly living.

This resonated with me because I have been spiritually active since discovering my spiritual self back in 1992.

After feeling that I understood the true poly lifestyle, I decided to become an advocate for the poly lifestyle itself.

I call my poly lifestyle "Poly Style" or "Polys of the New Millennium".

I am here to help spread the word so all people can learn for themselves if this is something they would like to explore further. 

Make no mistake, I am not here to force anyone to do anything they don't want to do.  Poly people are not like that.

Deborah's way of thinking is very close to how I've always felt, but just didn't recognize as being possible.  For that reason, I will always feel indebted to her. :)

You will always come across people that will tell you that I am wrong & poly is not just about love & committed relationships.

These people are usually either swinger or polysexuals trying to cause problems amongst true polys.

How do they do this?

Well a true poly goes around on the net looking for other like minded people.

Then they meet someone who claims to be a poly.

They don't yet understand how to tell the difference between someone who is just playing & someone who is sincerely a true poly so they continue getting to know them until one day they finally get it that this person really is ONLY seeking sex.

They were never a true poly to begin with.

This is the largest complaint I get from other true polys that people lie & pretend to be something they are not.

That is why I gave you a list of most common phrases, terms & how swingers & polysexuals really act so you can tell the difference.

Let your intuition be your guide. :)

Eventually over the next few years you will start to come into contact with more & more true polys so it won't seem like the odds are stacked against us like they seem right now.

All we can do is spread the word & educate. :)

Just to reiterate, I believe all intimate relationships should be sexually healthy, but there is a HUGE difference between respecting one's sexuality, one's body & spirit & people who just fuck with no emotional involvement.

Many many people in today's society are stuck not truly understanding their sexuality.

They think in order to be free, they need to be crude, rude & emotionless.

Love is literally a lost word. :(

Have I ever had sex with no emotion, YES, of course I have.

I was just as confused as they are now.

Some times we have to do harmful things to ourselves in order to one day truly understand what love is.

I owe this enlightenment to my spiritual growth & my understanding of the polyamorous lovestyle.

I have heard from countless other males & females who tell me there has to be some connection with the other person to make it worthwhile.

Yes humans are still animals, but we are different than other species in the animal kingdom.  We weren't meant to have sex with no emotion like almost all animals do just to mate.

I also don't feel that sex is just for procreational reasons.

Just like drugs, alcohol & other addictions, having continuous sex for no reason other than sexual gratification is a form of self abuse.

It may seem fun in the beginning, but after a while it lacks substance, emotion, worthiness & spiritual awareness.

Masturbation is a better alternative to becoming an animal on the prowl.

I'm not suggesting that one has to get married or decide right away if they want a really serious relationship because when you rush into relationships, very often you make bad choices.

Sex doesn't hold a relationship together.  Love, compatibility and good communication usually do & making love is the spiritual treat that bonds us even deeper together. :)

Will a poly person ever have an encounter that is just for sexual reasons--a quick thrill?

Perhaps... just like mono people can have long term relationships most of the time & a one night stand the odd time.  What matters is what is in a person's heart most of the time & what they want out of life.

Now on the next page I will list what I see are the main differences between polys & swingers and then sum it up with what I'm seeking.


The only way to have a friend is to be one.

— Ralph Waldo Emerson

If you find any errors, bugs, typos etc., please contact me giving me the URL of the page plus copying the paragraph where the error is.

Thank you so much for letting me know.

Last updated 22-Feb-07