Sensual For You

Biphobia

By Lani Ka'ahumanu and Rob Yaeger from conversations with Gerard Palmeri, Danielle Raymond, Loraine Hutchins, and Cianna Stewart. Portions adapted from material by the Rape Crisis Center of West Contra Costa County, CA; the Boston Lesbian Task Force; and Building Bridges. Visit the Bisexual Resource Center web site.

Bisexual women and men cannot be defined by their partner or potential partner, so are rendered invisible within the either/or heterosexist framework. This invisibility (biphobia) is one of the most challenging aspects of a bisexual identity. Living in a society that is based and thrives on opposition, on the reassurances and "balanced" polarities of dichotomy affects how we see the world, and how we negotiate our own, and other peoples lives to fit “reality.”

Most people are unaware of their homosexual or heterosexual assumptions until a bisexual speaks up/comes out and challenges the assumption. Very often bisexuals are than dismissed, and told they are "confused" and “simply have to make up their mind and choose.” For bisexually identified people to maintain their integrity in a homo-hating heterosexist society they must have a strong sense of self, and the courage and conviction to live their lives in defiance of what passes for “normal.”

What Does Biphobia Look Like?

• Assuming that everyone you meet is either heterosexual or homosexual.
• Supporting and understanding a bisexual identity for young people because you identified "that way" before you came to your "real" lesbian/gay/heterosexual identity.
• Expecting a bisexual to identify as heterosexual when coupled with the "opposite" gender/sex.
• Believing bisexual men spread AIDS/HIV and other STDs to heterosexuals.
• Thinking bisexual people haven't made up their minds.
• Assuming a bisexual person would want to fulfill your sexual fantasies or curiosities.
• Assuming bisexuals would be willing to "pass" as anything other than bisexual.
• Feeling that bisexual people are too outspoken and pushy about their visibility and rights.
• Automatically assuming romantic couplings of two women are lesbian, or two men are gay, or a man and a woman are heterosexual.
• Expecting bisexual people to get services, information and education from heterosexual service agencies for their "heterosexual side" (sic) and then go to gay and/or lesbian service agencies for their "homosexual side" (sic).
• Feeling bisexuals just want to have their cake and eat it too.
• Believing that bisexual women spread AIDS/HIV and other STDs to lesbians.
• Using the terms "phase" or "stage" or "confused" or "fence-sitter" or "bisexual" or "AC/DC" or "switchhitter" as slurs or in an accusatory way.
• Thinking bisexuals only have committed relationships with "opposite" sex/gender partners.
• Looking at a bisexual person and automatically thinking of their sexuality rather than seeing them as a whole, complete person.
• Believing bisexuals are confused about their sexuality. Assuming that bisexuals, if given the choice, would prefer to be within an "opposite" gender/sex coupling to reap the social benefits of a "heterosexual" pairing.
• Not confronting a biphobic remark or joke for fear of being identified as bisexual.
• Assuming bisexual means "available."
• Thinking that bisexual people will have their rights when lesbian and gay people win theirs.
• Being gay or lesbian and asking your bisexual friend about their lover only when that lover is the same sex/gender.
• Feeling that you can't trust a bisexual because they aren't really gay or lesbian, or aren't really heterosexual.
• Thinking that people identify as bisexual because it's "trendy."
• Expecting a bisexual to identify as gay or lesbian when coupled with the "same" sex/gender.
• Expecting bisexual activists and organizers to minimize bisexual issues (i.e. HIV/AIDS, violence, basic civil rights, fighting the Right, military, same sex marriage, child custody, adoption, etc.) and to prioritize the visibility of "lesbian and/or gay" issues.
• Avoid mentioning to friends that you are involved with a bisexual or working with a bisexual group because you are afraid they will think you are a bisexual.

Quote

To the world you might be one person, but to one person you might be the world

— Unknown

If you find any errors, bugs, typos etc., please contact me giving me the URL of the page plus copying the paragraph where the error is.

Thank you so much for letting me know.